So taking a risk, I sort of closed my eyes and free fell into it all. The long days, the longer nights. The occasional boredom when it was just Landon and I and he was still pretty much immobile. It was definitely surreal and kind of an awkward adjustment. And anytime I did anything just for me, I felt really awful because, did I really deserve it since I was no longer officially working in an office? Contributing to society in this monetary way?
Enter from stage left, Ryland. Now there were two kids and endless worrying and HOW THE HELL ARE WE GOING TO AFFORD THIS?! But you know, we did and it was fine. Life got wayyyyyy more interesting! The question came up: Should I maybe think about possibly going back to work sort of? And the resounding answer was always: No. No you shouldn't. So life went on, as it does.
Then a few months ago, the weather was just starting to get warmer and the sun was shining and clouds for days, people! I just hummed with positivity. The kids were in a good mood. Filled to the brim with goodness, is how I felt. And I realized that this is it. This is the best job in the whole world. Not the cleanest. Or the most fun all the time. Certainly doesn't come with decent pay and health benefits. But it is the best.
We have adventures like you wouldn't believe. Dance parties that would make Beyonce stop in her tracks and bow down. There's a lot of singing and running and fort building.
There are some days when there's more whining, more yelling than I would like. Those days are rough. But those days are also few and far between.
I decided to give up worrying. It was mostly bad for me anyway. I decided to stop thinking about things too much, because there will always be someone else's opinion or a stupid article that filters its way in and makes me doubtful of my decision. There will always be that urge to do more and to be more and to dust off that degree and get to it already. But there are also plenty of years to still make all of that happen. Why not just be satisfied in the now? It is enough. Truly.
Mostly, it's magic and I wouldn't trade it for all the doll hairs in the universe. ;)