you know, grey mornings spent by the lake are perfect for brooding. if you should ever find yourself in need of a good brood, i can point you to some key locations. i didn't intend to find myself staring wistfully across the water while the wind pushed me on my swing. but some things transpired between getting out of bed and escaping to the lake and so there i sat rather melancholy, thinking.
one of the traits most find both challenging and alluring about me is that i'm a bit of an old soul. i wax poetic and speak philosophically and am deeply rooted square in the middle of everything. i can't pick sides, i can't be righteously angry, i can't close the metaphorical door or burn a bridge. most is seen through my eyes in shades of grey, in underlying potential and what ifs. i derive meaning in everything. and i look around and all i see is the opportunity to learn and grow and understand.
so many are jaded. they no longer look to the sky or feel the wind or smell the rain before it falls and believe that all of it serves a purpose. all of it is extraordinary and meaningful. the stars mean something. the moon. the sun. the planets. the boys racing their bikes home after school. the woman out for a nightly jog. the man standing in line at the grocery store. the girl evaluating her self-worth in a mirror. and maybe some don't see that. but i do.
sometimes when i tell people this, they look at me like i'm crazy. but what i think they're most afraid of is really opening their heart to it. i've written about it before, but humans are afraid to be human. it's terrifying to set aside the armor every morning and choose to approach life unguarded. i know, because i make that choice every day too and typically, i choose to be open. the toughest days are those when sharp words are slung in regards to my nature. those are the times i just want to close up shop. take down the "open" sign, lock the doors and blend in with the busy, careless crowd outside. you see, when you choose open, you're also choosing pain and loss, but at least you're not choosing regret and i personally think that's the worst one to live with every day. regret over what could have or should have been said or done, had you only been open to it.
it's no secret that i carry my heart on my sleeve. that i think "it is what it is" is said when people are afraid to dream of something more. yes, there's got to be some practicality- but the best part of life is the unguarded enthusiasm we approach it with. the passion, the fire! i don't want to survive, i want to live.
|a dreamer, even as a kid|
call it a coping mechanism from a less than stellar childhood. call it naiveté. dismiss it if you wish. but i refuse to stop believing that it all matters in some small way. that my presence here on earth interconnects with so many other parts that i cannot possibly fathom. that i am more than just a collection of molecules. i have a purpose and that purpose is to continue shining like a lighthouse. To continue dreaming and loving.
I encourage you to do the same.