September 24, 2014

Measuring A Lifetime

The first thought upon waking up this morning is that I'm 27 years old. Last week, I had been babysitting a couple of five year olds and they asked me how old I was and I told them 28. They said, "no you're not!" and I laughed saying, "I'm pretty sure I know my own age." But I suppose I don't.

It wasn't that long ago that I was entering my twenties, but when I think hard about it, it feels like another lifetime. So much has happened since then. I've gotten married, had two babies, moved across country and into and out of different homes. I've graduated college, held different professions, grown into my skin, experienced heartbreak and loss and tragedy. Fundamentally, I don't feel all that different, but I know that I am. And the younger versions of me feel like strangers I once met, but can no longer place with specifics. Almost as if the twenty-one year old version of me is still out there, putting herself through college, holding down two jobs and still finding time to party on the weekends. It doesn't feel like that life ended, though for the me that exists now, it certainly has. I think about how that time in my life felt infinite and how all of the ages and phases before it felt that way too. How at 13, I longed to be 18 and how far away that seemed. And how, now that I look back, it really wasn't. How I wanted so much to be out on my own in the world. And how, every so often now, I wish I could go back. It didn't take long to get here at all, but it was quite a long journey nonetheless. Lifetimes upon lifetimes.

Which begs the question: Do we live lifetimes within a lifetime? I think we do. 

Our entire lives have been a series of seemingly infinite time spans. So much experienced in each phase, so much desire to graduate to the next one. Though now, the desire is less so. I'm okay with being in the here and now, even though I still wonder a lot about the future "me's". And will I look back at 37 or 57 or 77 and feel this way? Will the 27 year old me seem almost unrecognizable to the future me's too? I wish I knew.

What do you think?

September 21, 2014

A Fabulous Fall Giveaway!

We have officially reached the first day of Fall!! I can't believe we've made it here already, to be honest. In honor of my favorite season, a few of my fabulous blogging friends and I are giving away $100! I can't think of a better way to get in the spirit of of celebration than to give away cold hard cash, can you??

As always, I just want to tell you guys how much I appreciate you, the readers. I enjoy the comments, the Facebook messages and emails. It makes my day to know there are so many lovely people out there, checking in. 

This giveaway is open to all US residents, 18 and older. Good Luck and may the odds be ever in your favor!

September 16, 2014

Currently {Vol 2}

Obsessing about: Running. It's become like free therapy. When I'm having a stressful day with the kiddos or under a tight writing deadline, hitting the pavement for a few miles makes me feel better. Morning runs are energizing, but night runs are purifying. And they do the body good!

Working on: Being more patient with Landon. We've been butting heads a lot recently, me and my threenager. His attitude is out of this world, but we're working on it. Or through it? I'm drinking my weight in wine. kidding! (sort of)

Thinking about: What am I not thinking about? Campaigns, deadlines, preschool, home renovation projects, how the fall calendar is filling up so fast already, our MEXICO trip in a few weeks, whether I should get a new tattoo, grilled pizza (actually, i spend way too much time drooling about grilled pizza), what new books I need to check out at the library, the meaning of life, my travel bucket list, where waldo ended up... I mean, the list goes on. But, ain't nobody got time for that! 

Anticipating: Our Mexico trip! Honestly, I'm half excited and half terrified. This will be the longest we've ever left the boys. Come to think of it, it will also be the very first time we've ever left them somewhere overnight! I know it'll be fine and I'll be fine.

Listening to: LOVED Fault in Our Stars and also love this song. So good!

Eating: Not grilled pizza. And yes, I'm a little bitter that I can't have it every day. I've been trying to stick to my usual rotation, but have definitely been craving some heartier foods since the weather's gotten a little cooler. Biological, maybe?

Wishing: That the sun wouldn't go down so early. In another month, it'll be pitch black by 6:30. Not looking forward to that.

What are your currently's??

September 7, 2014

Ryland turns 2! (And Other Bosse Adventures)

It was a good weekend guys, let me tell you. You know, there are those weekends where you really don't do much of anything and sometimes that's fine and sometimes you wish you had done more. BUT then there are those weekends where the stars seem to align just right and BAM! Weekend magic. The perfect combination of laziness and productiveness and laughs. 

Ryland turned 2 today. It might have felt like a knife to the chest for me at first, but truly, this is what I wanted. I wanted for him to grow. To be healthy and happy and have fun doing it. And he really, really has. He's that kind of kid. 

I mean, look at this little face:

And now:


To this- the kind of kid that wears safety goggles 24/7 for fun!

Now, please to be excusing these phone pics:

We visited the Apple Orchard. This is my second year doing it and it's something I've been looking forward to. I feel almost as if I have one foot still planted in Summer and the other slowly stepping over into Fall, but September is clearly for orchards.

No trip to the orchard is complete without apple doughnuts and fresh apple cider, am I right?? Be jealous. It was delicious!

And the kids were so hopped up on doughnuts and cider, that they pretty much refused to pose for photos. Moms take what we can get though. ;)

We visited the Farm earlier today. The weather was ridiculously nice. 

More attempted forced posing, this time with Memere and Pepere

Annnnddd, let's finish with a shot of the birthday boy. The most handsome little two year old, I know!

Hoping your weekend was filled with smiles, sleep and cupcakes.

September 2, 2014

A Blurb about Censoring

september is upon us. one of my favorite months, for the weather begins to cool, the leaves begin to rust and a crispness fills the air that is so pure. transformative, really. new years is the official beginning of beginnings, but a season change? it's a quiet slide in. a beautiful reckoning all its own.

this year has been a formative one. or as my friend ashli would say, a twist in the kaleidoscope. i am acutely aware of each tiny fleck tumbling to and fro, shaping me. 

a close friend asked me for love advice the other day. she had been on several dates with a man, had become intimate with him. but they hadn't put an official title to the dates and the intimacy and so she was left pondering on a lonely tuesday night, whether it was okay to tell him that she missed him. and my reply was immediate and clear- yes. if you feel it, then it is always a resounding yes. she was fearful that he'd begin to distance himself if she revealed any serious emotions. and i thought to myself, this. this is the problem we face every day, all of us. the choice between opening up, leaving ourselves vulnerable and keeping guard so as not to scare others away. 

the moment you begin to censor yourself with anyone, especially one that you're interested in, is the very moment that you should turn around and walk away. because they don't deserve you. you are worth so much more. 

human interaction is strange to me. the need to walk around pretending that we're not experiencing all of the same human emotions as everyone else. the fear that exposing ourselves for what we are-human-will make us seem less than to someone. why would you want to waste even a nanosecond of your one precious life on someone like that? 

i spent far too much time and energy several years ago doing just that-hiding. fearing what anyone would think of my truest self, the side that wasn't always smiling, that didn't want to be subservient. the parts of me that were still healing from a difficult childhood and an absent father. the sum total of pieces that weren't shiny and smooth and perfect. 

over the past few years, that's begun to shift. this year, more than ever. the truth is, i'm happy with me. i'm proud of me. every day, i make the choice to be brave, to live as unedited as i can. because i'm looking for real connections with the small amount of time i'm granted here on earth. because i'm tired of hiding. because i'd rather not have another surface conversation. because, "i'm fine," isn't always the answer when someone asks how i am. because i'd rather say, "today hasn't been that great and here's why." 

i'm okay with being beautifully flawed. my kaleidoscope is still twisting, after all. how about you?


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